Lickety Lick Stage Split

On May 3rd, I performed with the Letter Follies burlesque show at the Stargarden gentlemen's club in North Hollywood. I was excited to be at a new venue and I really like working with Scarlett Letter. And because this was a gentlemen club, pasties were optional. Scarlett told me about the vice laws of which to be most aware: 1) Panties had to provide crack coverage 2) If my under boob is exposed, I have to stay behind the white line.  I had no idea what this white line nonsense was all about, but, she told me it would be obvious when I saw the stage.

See, where I come from, there aren't white lines at the gentlemen's clubs. I'm sure there are other boundaries, but, the only major one I know of is that touching, of any kind, is not allowed. I assumed that, in CA, the white line was probably a way to enforce that no touching rule, because, let's face it, we've all had an exotic dancer stick her boobies in our face and shimmy and the next thing you know you are getting bitched slapped by glittery titties.

I get to the venue and I'm feeling fine. I've rehearsed my routines, I've checked and double checked that I have everything and that I have an "emergency kit" to fix any possible wardrobe issues. I've made sure I have an extra copy of my music just in case, etc etc. I've prepared for everything I can imagine ...but I'm still really new to all of this and so I have fewer experiences to guide my imagination. After setting up in the dressing room and saying hello to the ladies, I decide to go check out the stage view and room set up. Scarlett reminds me to take a look at the white line. I thank her for the reminder and walk out of the dressing room with a smile on my face.

Then I see it...

The white line.

This is no ordinary white line. This is a white line plotting my destruction and arrest...maybe even my death. The white line is obviously some kind of force field that immediately notifies the police if I step over the white line with my under boob exposed. I imagine the police will come and I will be dragged off stage by two well built, uniformed men, with my boobies bouncing all over and me kicking my legs and screaming some nonsense about the white line having a personal vendetta against me for not being aware of its terrifying, diagonal existence. I'm horrified. In my head, this line is criss crossing in a forbidding, hypnotic manner, trying to hoodwink me into stepping over it and unleashing the imminent moral apocalypse on all of mankind. All because of my under boob.

Not even the nip. The frackin under boob!

I'm convinced that there is no way I can perform my acts and stay within the white line of doom.  But, the show must go on. So, I begin to think of ways to move about the stage avoiding both the white line and a pole in the middle of the stage. I visualize my routines numerous times while I wait for my turn to perform. I did my best to remain calm and collected. I'm pretty sure I appeared to have it together, but, secretly, in my head,  I was freaking out. I was afraid of ruining the sexy vibe of the show, of getting myself in trouble, or getting Scarlett or the club owners in trouble. So, my ultimate focus was that I stayed within the white line.

So, that's what I did, at all costs, during my first performance of the evening. It ended up having a tremendous impact on my routine in a way in which I was uncomfortable. I'm very pleased that I didn't disregard the white line and cause a bunch of trouble.  But, my performance suffered because I was looking at the floor and making sure that I was where I needed to be, when I needed to be there. I was also focused on making sure my prop, an umbrella, didn't smash into the pole. My connection to the audience was lost, my movement became stiff and over analyzed and I rushed through the routine. Sad City. I was determined that the second one would be better and took some time to give myself a bit of a pep talk. 

The second routine was better in many ways, but I didn't fully recover from the initial performance.  Plus, the second routine was a new routine I was debuting to the song "I'm a Queen" by Narciso "Seeso"  Lobo. It's nerve wracking to perform a new act for the first time in public as it is, so, all these other little things were making it a bit worse.

I was still nervous about and focusing on the gawd damn white line so I ended up rushing through my Queen performance as well.  Lame. But, I was excited for the part where I put whipped cream on certain parts of my body. Yay! Alas, when I had rehearsed this number it was right after pulling the whipped cream out of the fridge. That wasn't the case on show night (it was 500 degrees that day) and the whipped cream had gotten all melty so, it didn't stick to my fact, it dripped right off my left jubblie. I quickly replaced it, only to have the replacements fall off both jubblies and onto my legs. I even heard the DJ/MC say "oops". I was so over everything being lame, and suddenly all I could hear was Red Snapper saying "the audience loves it when you lick." So, I scooped the whipped cream off my legs and smeared it all over my chest and then licked my hands and walked off stage. Bam! It's the Lickety Lick Stage Split. 

I just invented that.  

I apologetically thanked everyone who came out to the show. They were kind and encouraging and friends within the community told me not to beat myself up. Which was great advice. I really didn't see any reason to beat myself up. There was a bunch of shit that happened that was out of my control and for which there was no way for me to prepare and I dealt with it the best way I knew. However, I'm all about this being an experience I grow from and I really want to learn more about how to properly vamp on stage if things go wrong. I also think it would be a good idea for me to step out of my comfort zone more often so I feel more confidant in situations for which I was not able to better prepare. 

In the meantime, I have two more shows this month. So, I'll just keep truckin along, rehearse until my feet hurt and keep doing my best. My best will continue to get better.

So, here we are...the end of a long post and I've realized that I don't have a particularly witty way to end this, so, just imagine I'm licking whipped cream off of something while you declare "Lickety Lick Stage Split" with enthusiasm ;-)

Oh and fuck that white line...for realsies...

Popular Posts